Sunday, 4 May 2014

Elephant in the room

There was an elephant in the room of my mind
 It stood and watched me silently.
 When I introduced myself to people it looked up
 waiting to be introduced.

 it's my socially unacceptable secret
 my conversation killer
 my secret past
 hidden but huge
 like an elephant in the room of my mind.

 Imagine if I said to someone
 Hi I'm Sarah. I was abused as a child by someone I didn't know, my family unaware.
 And they would say...
 well what would they say?
 So I didn't say it to anyone
 but that abuse had twisted my mind and my soul so I was walking dysfunction.
 For a long time unaware of how broken I was
 thinking the tormenting demons were normal
 normal for hell maybe
 but not meant for a princess of the King
a precious child made the image of God.

 Sinned against yet consumed with shame and guilt
 as if it was my fault.
 If you've broken your arm or leg you get sympathy, understanding, an encouraging smile.
 When your soul's been broken and you limp on the inside
 you want to say the fact you're broken
 so someone can help you.

 But you stay silent
 looking at the elephant in your own mind
 and wishing someone would take it away forever.

 Then someone did it for me.
 It was Jesus.
 He appears in different forms
and he came in the form of an older woman in my church
who was filled with the Holy Spirit.
 And she gave hours
 and hours
 and hours to me
 listening to my brokenness
 understanding my pain
 bringing God's word to my life through prayer
 hugging me when words just wouldn't do.

 Unlike coffee healing wasn't instant
 when you've been hurt over a long time
 it takes time for healing to come.
 But it came
 and gradually I realized
 Jesus had gently but firmly
 led the elephant away out of the room of my mind.

 This is what healing looks like
 the effective,
 complete removal of any elephant that fills the room of your mind.

1 comment:

Mark Laurent said...

That's absolutely lovely Sarah - thank you for sharing it. You're a real blessing, & a strong woman of God. You've radiated joy & wholeness to us even while you weren't feeling joyous or whole yourself - that's a sign that you're not alone, that Jesus has been there with & in you all along. Thank you for sharing. Mark