Welcome to the end of the world

I hope you're sitting comfortably.
The 5:30 news is about to begin.
You can snuggle up with your cup of tea and biscuit on the sofa.
There's been a tornado,
 a famine,
 earthquakes in various places,
 wars and their rumours,
 poverty and greed in a sickening dance,
 and corruption making sure nothing is fair.
 Slavery
 and unspeakable crimes
 against children and adults,
 nuclear meltdown and global pollution,
 civil unrest and city riots.
 You can blaspheme the name of Jesus as much as you like,
 but you cannot under any circumstances
 even slightly offend the members of any other religious group.
 Chip implants in your hand or forehead to stop identity fraud.
 It's coming soon to a town near you.
 Political correctness gone mad
 and truth shot down in flames.
 I hope you're sitting comfortably.
 Not long to go now until the news is over.
 Welcome to the end of the world.